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October 31, 2004
Now It Gets Hard
I went back to Alameda this weekend, and I felt completely removed from everybody I saw. It's as if the travel puts a layer of emotional distance between me and people who live there.
I first noticed it on Saturday afternoon when I hung out with Elaine for a bit while she plied me with garden goodies, when I was having a hard time feeling entirely there, although that might have been because I'd just gone to IKEA to buy a dining table (now assembled and functioning perfectly).
Then we had dinner that evening with dear friends Christo and George, who made us lentil soup and fed us strawberry rhubarb pie, and they told me they've given me a subscription to The New Yorker, which is a totally amazing gift, and which will remind me of them every time I get it, and which might even make me wish I'd gone to Columbia (but not much as the homesickness would be much worse there), and I had a hard time coming up with the right words to say thanks to them.
Then this afternoon we were talking to some neighbors about a neighborhood issue (a renter down the block who's dealing crack) and I had a hard time forming words. What is it about a four hour drive that steals your ability to communicate? Or maybe it's being away from Ana for longer than I've ever been away from her since 1992. I don't know what I'll do when she dies. Maybe have to find a new familiar.
Anyway, Noel and I sat down and worked out visitation for the next several weeks, until the end of the quarter, and fortunately, I don't have to drive up as often as I was expecting because Noel has declined some gigs in order to make things easier on me. Also, I think Rosie is going to stay with me the short week before Thanksgiving and we can totally go to the dog beach all the time and play nonstop without that spoilsport Noel around to mess things up. I mean, apart from my having to spend every waking moment at school and all.
When I get home for Christmas, we sit down and re-assess. Is this living arrangement working for both of us? If not, what should we do about it? The worst part is that I'm really loving school. I mean, really, really loving it. So if the living arrangement is not working, the decision that probably needs to be made is hard.
Posted by ayse on 10/31/04 at 11:02 PM