Culture: January 2005 Archives

I had an odd conversation at the bookstore today, as I was checking out. The cashier pointed to my left hand and said, "For a moment I thought you were wearing a wedding ring."

"I am wearing a wedding ring," I said.

"You're not old enough to be married."

"I'm probably older than you think."

"You're probably about 25. I'm a good judge of ages. I can always guess somebody's age."

"You didn't guess mine."

At this point I had to show her my ID anyway, so I pointed out my birthdate. She then accused me of having a fake ID, which is sort of an odd thing to say, because clearly I was not attempting to hide my age or anything like that, but I guess she was embarrassed by being so incredibly wrong about how old I must be.

I wonder if she will say that she can always guess somebody's age to anybody else. My guess is that she will, because irritating people never realize how irritating they are.

I've just unearthed a small collection of phonecam photos of weird stuff around school and home. Check them out.

...

The neighbor's dog has been barking again tonight, and so Rosie and I took a little walk and found the address of the house where it's penned up. I'm mailing them this letter tomorrow:

Dear WONDERFUL, CHARMING Neighbor,

Thank you ever so much for leaving your dog outside to bark at night. Nothing is quite as home-like as the constant bark-bark-bark of a dog slowly going insane by being separated from its pack, don't you think?

Sometimes I lie in bed and listen to your dog bark for HOURS, secure in the knowledge that you would never do anything so inconsiderate as take it inside, where it would not bark and bring music into my life. The best nights are when it's really cold out, and I know the dog is cold and of course a caring, loving owner would have brought it inside, and yet you make the supreme sacrifice and leave it outside to serenade us for two, three, often even four hours.

I hope you leave your dog outside all the time from now on. Even better: why not just let it out to run around on the street? But you must be concerned that somebody who is not as dedicated as you to the evening concerts would take the dog inside and make it stop barking, which would be such a terrible loss to the neighborhood. Your devotion to the arts is commendable. Would that we all were as self-sacrificing, generous, and considerate as you.

Your Neighbor.

I'm in a really bitchy mood, but for god's sake it's not even as if they're not home -- I could see them sitting in there watching TV and just letting that poor dog bark at them through the back door. I wish they could get the dog taken away for treating it like that.